It all started when Bear and I came home from grocery shopping to discover a big black truck parked in our numbered parking space. This is not the first time that a car has parked in our space, nor was it the first time that this car has parked in our space. I was livid. Not being able to park in my space means that we have to drive all the way down to the opposite end of the entire complex where the guest parking is. Fuming, I parallel parked in the fire zone so that Bear and I could unload the groceries without having to walk the length of 4 buildings. I took two fresh eggs out before handing the last bag to Bear. I then walked over to the black truck and threw the first egg as hard as I could right in the middle of the driverside window, the second I smashed onto the windshield. It was a very satisfying feeling - my eggs expressing the rage and fury that several colorfully written notes obviously hadn't. I was filled with exhilaration at having committed such a naughty act as well - I, Miss Honor Roll, had just EGGED A CAR! I let Bear park the car while I ran up to put the groceries away.

Several minutes later, I heard men yelling profanities outside and banging on something very hard. I immediately ran to the window, fearing that the owners of the black truck had cornered Bear on his walk back. Instead, I saw two men with long, thick sticks screaming at the residents who live in an apartment across from us. The guys with the bats were shouting, "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU EGG MY TRUCK?"
The men in the apartment were standing on their patio and shouting right back, "WE HAVE GUNS SO FUCK OFF!"
The truck owners shouted back, "GO AHEAD, SHOOT US! YOU WANNA SHOOT US?"

I didn't know how the truck owners could have possibly thought that these guys has egged their car and not the anonymous person whose space they were parking in, perhaps they knew each other from somewhere and had a history of not getting along. Whatever the reason, the situation was out of control and Bear still wasn't back yet, so I picked up the phone and called the police. Just then, two other neighbors of ours came running out of their apartments to get in on the shouting match as well. Ironically, these were the same neighbors who we've called noise complaints on in the past because they're always shouting profanities on their patios at all hours of the day and night. I guess they felt that their reputation was in jeapordy tonight because they jumped right into the middle of the action. The truck owners quickly ran off so the two other sets of neighbors started going at it. Somewhere in the middle of this Bear had joined me crouched at the window, the lights off, peeking through the blinds - first row seats to the most awesome display of rampant white-trash I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Seriously, even Jerry Springer would be in awe.

Finally, the police showed up with a K-9 unit and their guns drawn. There must have been a dozen of them. They immediately made everyone put their hands up and freeze. They handcuffed all of my neighbors while the police dog barked its furry little head off, creating more noise on its own than all 10 or so of these guys had total in the last 15 minutes. Bear turned to me in the dark and whispered, "You started all of this!"
"I know! I can't believe it!" I responded, matching his amazement tone for tone.
"And the best part is, you're totally getting away with it too!" He stated, and we burst into giggles like children sharing a mischievous secret.